


Thank You.

by icirruscity



Category: Dragon Quest XI
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Childhood Memories, Flashbacks, Gen, Hendrik (and Jade) need therapy very badly, Hurt/Comfort, Spoilers, Trauma, but better be safe than sorry, not really romantic it's more a character study, the depictions of violence are only mentioned briefly as part of a flashback
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:15:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24949036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icirruscity/pseuds/icirruscity
Summary: Hendrik confronts the storm inside him.Takes place during Act 3, but the switch exclusive Jasper + Hendrik epilogue has not happened.
Relationships: Graig | Hendrik/Marutina | Jade
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7





	Thank You.

“It’s an honour that you would want to join me for tea, sir Hendrik” Serena mused, reaching for a cup and saucer and carrying it over to the parlor table. 

“What have I told you?” Hendrik reprimanded. “You needn’t address me with such formalities anymore. We’re companions now. You are in no way beneath me.” 

Serena giggled. “Just listen to yourself! You scold me for being formal, and yet you still speak like that.” She curtsied gracefully in order to gingerly set Hendrik’s teacup in front of him. “Veronica once told me she’d heard scholars that sounded less uptight.”

Hendrik blushed in response and averted his eyes. He began to mindlessly thumb at his collar, a nervous tic that he unconsciously fell victim to quite often.

“...Is that so.” 

Serena giggled again - louder this time. Her gentle giggle eventually transformed itself into a hearty laugh - one she barely made an effort to suppress. Hendrik fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat, his body feeling entirely too large and unaccustomed to such fine furniture. Serena’s laughter eventually faded, and for a short while neither party uttered a word.

“...Please relax.” Serena broke the brief interlude of mildly discomforting silence. She spoke earnestly and honestly - more serious than before. Her voice was weighty yet still kind and caressing.

“I meant no harm. I’m ever so sorry if I upset you.”

Hendrik finally met her eyes to see that she was gazing at him compassionately, hands clasped to her chest as she doted on him with her eyes. He exhaled a heavy breath and let some tension escape from his shoulders. “Don’t worry.” He consoled. “You’ve done nothing of the sort. It takes a lot to get under my skin. You of all people should never need worry about offending my sensibilities.” 

Serena let out her own sigh of relief from across the room.

“I’m glad.” she smiled. “So very strong and brave you are, si- er, Hendrik! And polite too.”

“Really, it’s nothing…”

“You don’t have to be so humble!”

Serena slowly made her way back to the table, carrying the rest of the tea set with her. In one hand she balanced her own exquisite cup and saucer, and in the other she tentatively carried the full, hot pot.

“Careful now.” Hendrik chided.

“O-oh! Yes. Of course… I guess I do have a reputation for being rather clumsy.” Serena admitted bashfully. She then sat down in her seat and folded her hands in her lap. “Thank you for joining me today!”

“No, thank you for inviting me.”

“I figured we should spend some time together, considering things are peaceful now, and all.” said Serena. “I just love afternoon tea! And it could do everybody some good to relax.”

Hendrik nodded. “I engaged in these formalities quite often back when I served under the king-” He cut himself off, stumbling over his words. “Well, I still do- Serve King Carnelian, I mean. It’s just that my main priority is-”

“The Luminary now.” Serena finished Hendrik’s sentence in his stead. “I’d reckon my sister and I understand that servitude better than anyone. And what a joy it is, too!” She gushed, squeezing her eyes shut as her smile stretched itself from ear to ear.

Hendrik couldn’t help but grin at such an open display of devotion. Serena was such a kind soul. He vowed internally to untiringly protect her just as he did both his kind and the Hero of Light.

“Now, may I do the honours?” asked Serena as she extended a dainty hand towards the teapot.

“Of course.”

The tea cascaded gently into the porcelain mug as she poured. Even from a distance Hendrik could feel its heat swirl upwards in hazy clouds of steam.

“Well?” Serena said, cocking her head to the side inquisitively. “I hope it’s to your liking.”

Hendrik lifted his teacup to his lips and blew on it softly to cool it down. He watched the liquid ripple, then settle before he finally took a sip.

Without warning, his mind was assaulted with an all-consuming memory.

* * *

Hendrik heaved and heaved as he desperately leaned into the castle doors. The full weight of his small body was just barely enough to send them creaking open - slowly, agonizingly - the shrill noise the only other sound he could hear over the pouring rain and roaring thunder. The great gates opened just enough to send his bone-weary body tumbling haplessly through them. He limply toppled onto the cold marble floors and collapsed to his knees in exhaustion and agony, splattering a mixture of rainwater and dirt and whatever else all around him. The taste of iron and rust coated the back of his nose and throat. Quivering hands reached upwards to paw at sopping wet clothes and grimy skin.

He hadn’t realized how much he’d hurt himself until now, as the feeling swept over him all at once. It felt like a great wave, building momentum and mercilessly plunging him under.

Hendrik buried his face in his elbow and wailed, biting into the flesh of his arm in an attempt to further silence his own cries. His muscles ached so deeply that it nearly immobilized him, burning and throbbing with every heartbeat and laboured breath. He couldn’t take the pain anymore, but also couldn’t risk having someone hear him and see him like this.

Suddenly, a sliver of golden light shone outwards from the hallway across from him. First a sliver, then a thick beam. Then, he heard a voice.

“...Hendrik?” 

He lifted his tear streaked face from his elbow and wiped his bloody, snotty nose. He swallowed another sob.

“Hendrik!” The voice called out, its tone hushed but urgent. Familiar footsteps made their way towards him and echoed off the castle walls. 

“You- Idiot! So that’s where you were all this time?” Jasper hissed. He now stood close beside Hendrik and gazed at his quivering form in what could be described as abject horror and awe.

Hendrik tried to speak, but only a weak grunt came out. Then a cough. Then more tears, this time utterly unrestrained.

“You were training out there again? You never stop!” Jasper’s voice was beginning to break from a whisper as he became more and more worked up. “Curfew was hours ago and I thought you already- ugh! In a storm! I was so worried, I-” 

“...hear you..” Hendrik murmured breathlessly between cries. “Stop...someone is going to...hear you… and then we’ll both-”

“And they aren’t going to hear you and all your blubbering!? Hissed Jasper again. “You know what? Just- come here.” The blonde boy reached for his friend’s tiny hand. “I said come!” He yanked on Hendrik’s arm, pulling him roughly towards him. Hendrik moaned in pain.

“You’re soaking wet! The king is going to have a cow if you get sick. I can’t believe you!” Jasper chastised, his words heavy with worry. 

Hendrik managed to muster just enough strength to follow him, his own cold, stiff, calloused hand still entwined securely in Jasper’s warm and soft one. Jasper continued to yank on his arm as he stomped indignantly towards his quarters. 

“You’re taking me to your room?” Hendrik asked.

“Just be quiet!”

The two boys finally reached their destination, and after peering cautiously out into the foyer, Jasper quickly shut the door behind him. 

Hendrik fell to his knees again, relishing in the feeling of the fluffy carpet beneath them. 

Jasper wasted no time getting down to business. “You need a change of clothes.” He stated flatly. 

“But-”

“You can wear some of mine. It’s fine. I don’t care.” The blonde boy was already rifling through his wardrobe. “The fireplace is still going. Warm yourself up.”

Hendrik let out a disgruntled noise as he pulled his drenched tunic over his head. It stuck to his back and sent rivulets of water pouring out from between his fingers as he gripped it. He took a second to stare at the wrinkled, ruined garment before balling it up and placing it to the side.

“Here.” Jasper flung a plain pair of nightclothes carelessly over his shoulder. They landed squarely on the floor with a soft thud. Hendrik hastily grabbed them and put them on. 

The clothes felt so soft and cozy against his cold, numb skin. They were comfortable, if not a tad too small. Hendrik had no right to complain about that, though. He could already feel the difference a fresh pair of clothes was making in regards to his overall state.

Then, he heard a second item drop to the floor. He opened his eyes to see a quilted blanket sitting in front of him. Hendrik picked it up apprehensively in one hand and looked at it with empty eyes.

“Are you daft?!” spat Jasper, the sound of his voice snapping Hendrik back to reality. “Wrap yourself in it or something!”

Hendrik did as he was told. He was warming up even more quickly now, the soothing embrace of the blanket making him feel comfortable and safe. He let out a deep, heavy sigh of relief.

It was then that Jasper began his tirade.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” He yelled accusingly. “ Being so reckless…”

“I.. didn’t notice it was raining..” Hendrik mumbled.

“If you’re still by sneezing tomorrow, I’m going to beat the devil out of you. King Carnelian doesn’t have time to take care of you anymore like he used to. He has to attend to the new baby. Why do you always cause so much trouble?!.”

“I’m...sorry.”

Jasper continued ranting. “Why do you spend so long training?” He had turned to face Hendrik was looking at him straight on now; eyes glistening with unshed tears. His voice cracked as he spoke. “And you didn’t even notice when it started to rain? I don’t believe that! You’re lying!”

Hendrik hung his head low in guilt. He thought painfully of his family and his countrymen, now long passed. They needed someone to protect them, and yet in their most vulnerable moments they had no one. His heart still ached for them beyond words when he was left alone with his thoughts. 

And that was why he never allowed himself any time to think at all.

How many more people were out there in the world needed protecting? He was determined to be that protector, a guardian for both the fading memories of his childhood as well as now the kingdom of Heliodor. 

“I need...to be strong..” he spoke slowly.

Jasper looked at him in pity. “But that doesn’t matter if- you’re pushing yourself too far! You don't know when to quit.” He stopped for a moment. “This is why big stupid oafish soldiers need strategists to tell them what to do.”

Hendrik let a weak chuckle escape him. His shaky laugher brought on another onslaught of violent coughing. He winced.

“Don’t laugh!” Jasper exclaimed. This is serious! I mean- serious for you. It’s not like I care if you get yourself hurt.” He murmured under his breath, his face flushing red almost imperceptibly. 

Hendrik took a few deep breaths and gazed back at him patiently, expecting a stream of more insults. He waited.

Jasper pursed his lips and furrowed his brow, squeezing his hands into tight fists. “...and stop gawking at me! Do you have something to say, or what?!”

A tense air of quiet invaded the room. All that remained was the sounds of the crackling fire and the rain beating relentlessly against the windows.

After what seemed like an eternity stuffed into a few excruciatingly awkward minutes, Hendrik decided to break the silence.

“...Why were you even up this late anyways? He questioned. “ Like you said, curfew was hours ago.”

“I-” Jasper stuttered. “I was reading.” He quickly flourished the tome he was holding. It was made of a deep brown leather and accented with glittering gold.

“Oh, that’s the same book you told me you finished last week.” Hendrik remarked.

“So?” said Jasper. “ Any intellectual should peruse through a book a second time to glean more information from it.

Hendrik paused. “...You couldn’t sleep.”

Jasper narrowed his eyes.

“...You said you were worried about me.”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

Silence slithered its way into the room again, the tensity even more palpable this time. Jasper was now laying on his own bed, facing the wall and refusing to look at his companion, entirely ignoring his existence.

Hendrik started again. “You definitely- Aaa-choo!” he cut himself off with a sneeze and shivered.

Jasper flipped around, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape in thinly-veiled shock. He stifled a sharp gasp.

“...You’re still cold.” he said nervously.

“It’s fine-”

“No, here.” said Jasper, reaching over to his nightstand. “you can have some of this. I guess.”

Jasper produced a small cup and held it out to Hendrik. It was quite hot, as there was steam still swirling from out from inside and forming a cloud in front of their faces. Hendrik wore a dazed expression.

“You have tea with you.”

It was the only thing he could think of to utter in response. Jasper just glared at him irritatedly as if to say _“yes, is that not obvious?”_

He grabbed the tea from Jasper and gingerly took a sip. The warmth of the liquid radiated through his entire body, from his head to his toes. The heat that permeated the outside of the cup did well to ease some of the stiffness in his hands and fingers.

The drink tasted sweet. Much too sweet for Hendrik’s liking, but he needed to heal his aching body, so he drank it anyway.

_He must have put a lot of sugar in this…_ He surmised.

“...It’s my favourite kind.” Jasper suddenly spoke. He scratched behind his head bashfully.

“Lemon.” said Hendrik.

“Yeah.”

Both went silent again, but this silence was free of any discomfort. The suffocating cloud of tension had cleared, and left stillness and tranquility in its wake. Moonlight filtered in through the windowpanes as the rain continued to streak them with shimmering rivulets. 

Jasper lay atop his bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling as Hendrik continued to take slow sips of tea.

Hendrik clutched the cup close to his chest and felt its warmth coil inside him again. It was dull and muted this time, but he could still feel it deep in his core.

“...Jasper?”

“What.”

“Thank you.”

“...hmph.” Jasper glanced at Hendrik for a moment before once again casting his eyes over nothing.

Hendrik finally put the near-empty cup down, but he could still smell the lemon and sugar and taste its remnants on his tongue. He sighed, savouring the feeling, and as the breath left his lungs he realized his tiredness was becoming too much to bear. His surroundings waned in and out of a sea of black as his eyelids fluttered, then fell closed. Unable to resist his own fatigue, he slumped forward and yawned as his mind clouded and he began to unwittingly fade from consciousness. He was still on the brink - halfway between asleep and awake - when he just barely heard Jasper say something faintly.

“..you’re sleeping?” Jasper whispered, more to himself than he did to his friend..

Hendrik didn’t respond. A part of him wished to, but he couldn't find the energy. His lips parted slightly as his rhythmic breaths lulled him into an even deeper daze. He heard the floorboards creak and noticed a slight movement beneath him. The fireplace crackled.

Hendrik suddenly felt a weight rest itself against his side and a hot breath by the shell of his ear. He mustered the last of his strength to open his tired eyes one last time. Amongst blurry, swirling vision, he noticed that a few strands of blond hair had made themselves at home on his shoulder.

Rain still assailed the windows.

* * *

Hendrik’s eyes widened. His entire body froze, and for a brief moment he found himself completely unable to breathe. The shock and dread hit him in a sudden jolt of coldness, his chest growing both painfully tight and deeply empty at the same time. A sickening weight dropped into the pit of his stomach and forced bile to rise in this throat. He felt as though he was only seconds away from vomiting.

The teacup clattered as it knocked against the saucer, producing a sound that was all too loud and grating given the silence and stillness of the room. Tea spilled over its lip and scattered droplets onto the tablecloth.

Serena let out a shocked noise.

“What’s wrong?”

“...What kind of tea is this?” Hendrik said breathlessly. He slowly attempted to pick up the cup again, in defiance of his tensed muscles and violently trembling hands. The teacup rattled against the saucer as Hendrik shivered uncontrollably. More of the liquid inside sloshed and spilled.

“Lemon, why-”

“I...must excuse myself.” Hendrik recoiled backwards and pushed himself away from the table. He walked briskly out of the parlor, breathing heavy, shaky breaths which were audible even from a distance.

“Sir Hendrik!” Serena cried out. She ran towards the doorway.

But he was already gone.

Serena sorrowfully glanced behind her. The spilled tea was soaking itself into the white tablecloth, staining it.

* * *

“Is it really that bad?” asked Serena.

“What? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Jade shot Serena an inquisitive glance. The two girls sat together side by side, tucked away in a corner of the castle.

“My tea! I knew I was bad at cooking, but how do you ruin tea? Somehow, I did.”

Jade paused to listen, and looked Serena in the eyes.

“I scared sir Hendrik away!” The blonde exclaimed, sounding utterly defeated. “I hope he’s ok, i’m so worried…” She fidgeted nervously with the hem of her dress.

Jade sighed and rested her hand on her friend’s shoulder in an attempt to console her. “Now, I doubt you, of all people, would ever scare anyone away.” she said. “What it sounds like to me, is that Hendrik may have been fighting with some of his own demons…” Jade trailed off, gazing up at the ceiling. “...and you just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. You had no way of knowing he was struggling, it’s not your fault. You were just trying to be kind.”

“Even so…” said Serena, her voice quivering. She folded her hands in her lap. “I just want him to be alright.” she looked devastated.

“I know Hendrik very well.” Jade spoke. “ Would you like me to go talk to him? I think I would like to see him as well.” 

“You’d really do that?!” said Serena, her eyes widening almost instantly. “Oh, thank you… how can I ever repay you?” she gushed. “Please tell him I’m sorry and that I never meant to-”

“Oh, i’m sure he knows.” Jade said reassuringly. “...but i’ll tell him anyway.” 

Jade hopped to her feet, stretching her arms behind her back. She turned around to face Serena one last time. “And you don’t need to repay me!” she smiled.

“Oh! Well… goodbye!” Serena gave Jade an adorable wave. “Hendrik ran towards the balcony, you’ll probably find him there.”

“I had a suspicion.” whispered Jade. She brushed her hair behind her and began to walk through the castle, this time with a purpose. The sounds of her heels echoed off the empty halls.

* * *

Hendrik stood solemnly, looking out over the balcony of Heliodor castle. Soft winds blew and rustled through his hair and his cape. He stood, stony faced, saying nothing. He brought a trembling hand cautiously to his neck and thumbed at his token of fealty.

He squeezed his eyes shut, and swallowed his sorrow.

Then, he heard footsteps behind him.

Hendrik whipped around at breakneck speeds, dropping his hands from his neck and letting his token bounce against his skin as he moved. He yelled, startled.

“Who goes there?!”

Jade stood to face him from within the balcony entrance, her frame seeming incredibly small in comparison to the grandiose doorframe.

“Ah, princess.” Hendrik said breathlessly. “I’m sorry, but I must ask you to lea-”

Hendrik stopped short as Jade leapt towards him and wrapped him in a tight embrace. He held his breath in shock.

Jade drew her body up against his, keeping him close. She hesitated for a moment, then, finally, she spoke.

“I know what it’s like.” she started. “Flower fields remind me of Eleanor. We used to spend our days playing in them together. And now… I can no longer look at them. No matter how beautiful they may be. And despite me having put those days behind me.” she pulled Hendrik in tighter. “I’m no stranger to unwanted memories.”

Hendrik felt all the tension release from his body at once. He fell into Jade’s embrace. It didn’t matter that she was much smaller than him. He let him take her. “...How?” He asked. “How...could you tell?”

“I know, Hendrik. I just know. I know trauma.” uttered Jade. She paused. “...you thought of him, didn’t you?”

Hendrik trembled. “Jasper.” he gasped, his breathing becoming laboured and heavy. Something sickening welled up in his throat and made its way behind his eyes. “Jasper.” he spoke again, as if he was calling out to him. “It still...hurts. And I- what am I saying? Why do I mourn a traitor? I don’t understand...”

“He was your friend.” Jade said firmly. “It doesn’t matter what he did or didn’t do. You grew up together. It’s not a sin to grieve.”

“It feels so wrong...” Hendrik grit his teeth. “I am haunted.” He hissed. “Tormented.” 

Jade felt his entire body quiver in her arms. 

“I cannot even enjoy a cup of tea without my mind digging up things I’d much rather forget. Fragments of the past that were once sweet have become harrowing.” Hendrik broke from Jade and turned away. He was embarrassed to look her in the face, disgusted by his own feelings. “I cannot bear it.”

Jade’s expression softened, and her brow creased with pity. She took a step towards him and reached out her hand. “I understand.”

“Do you truly?” said Hendrik, his voice giving way to a hint of frustration. He pursed his lips and exhaled as he mulled over his words. 

“I- forgive me if this is out of line to say.” Hendrik explained hesitantly. “But when Lady Eleanor left us, her legacy was...clean. She was a good person. She passed without vices. Without pain. Without burdens. At least to my knowledge.” Hendrik rested his body against the balcony railing. “Jasper, he.. did terrible things, but yet I… I miss him so dearly. It hurts so much. His death was..messy. He died full of hatred. Full of vitriol. That is truly what twists the blade for me.”

Jade listened intently, and allowed him to speak.

“He was killed so abruptly- I couldn’t ask him why, I couldn’t hear him atone, I didn’t even have the chance to say-”

“-Goodbye?” Jade interjected. “I didn’t either.”

Silence swept in like a tidal wave. It filled Hendrik’s lungs and throat, leaving him paralyzed. Jade averted her eyes from him.

“I..I’m sorry. That was out of line.” Hendrik stuttered. “please forgive me.”

Jade turned back around, and leaned onto the balcony right next to her companion. She looked him in the face and saw it was stricken with worry. 

She’d never seen him so afraid.

“I forgive you.” said jade. “I forgive you, Hendrik. For everything.”

“But-” He tried to speak, but jade shushed him.

“It’s ok. I forgive you, the luminary forgives you, everyone forgives you. I think what you need to do is learn how to forgive yourself.”

“I treated you so poorly…” He murmured to himself. “How can I-?”

“Shhh.” Jade soothed. “No more of that.” She lovingly patted him on the back.

Hendrik continued to gaze out into the endless sky, and suddenly realized he was playing with his token of fealty again. He unclasped it, and let it rest in his hand. 

“...Jasper.” He spoke again. “When I close my eyes, it’s all I see.” He squeezed his hand shut, enclosing the token within it as if he feared it would suddenly disappear. “His...passing.”

“I know that feeling as well.” lamented Jade. “My nightmares are...particularly bad.” 

Hendrik took great solace in the fact that Jade understood him. Maybe not entirely, but enough. Deep bonds could be born of shared misery. He found solace in the fact that on those same sleepless nights his mind made him unwillingly bear witness to the image of Jasper’s convulsing, writhing body, Jade was forced to relive the night that Dundrasil fell. He was not the only one who spent tortured nights tossing and turning. They shared a similar pain.

“Hendrik…” Jade roused him from his thoughts.

“...yes?”

“Do you forgive him?”

The words cut through Hendrik like a hot knife. They hit him like a blow to the chest.

It was then that he truly thought about Jasper. He let the thoughts flow in like a current, free of the fog of denial that had clouded his mind for so long. He thought about him, and his intelligence; his grace - the way he stood tall and proud and dignified. 

Then, like clockwork, the unwanted thoughts wormed their way in again. He thought about his final moments. The way he saw his body tremble in fear. The way he outstretched his hand one last time, crying out in desperation, and the way the monster wearing the skin of his revered King slit his throat and cut him down all at once. He remembered the way he froze in place as he realized he was dying. Hendrik saw it in his eyes, even if it were only for a brief moment. He held on to those last moments he still saw life in Jasper the way a trained soldier holds the hilt of his sword - powerfully, unrelentingly. That grip, though, was proving much too painful to bear.

_Master… Help me…_

Hendrik mentally released that grip. As he did, he felt something swell inside him. It hurt just as much to let go as it did to hold on.

Half-buried memories still poured in. He pictured the way Jasper’s body toppled to the ground, blood gushing from his open wound and streaking his breastplate, showing no signs of slowing. He could still hear the way he gurgled and choked - the way he gasped for air like he was drowning. He remembered how his eyes went glassy and rolled backwards, and his lips - now tinged with blue - parted in a silent scream one last time. His skin was ghastly and pallid - face and hands void of all color while his neck was stained with all too much of it. Jasper’s broken form lay motionless on the lush, leafy ground of Yggdrasil, blood still draining from him and sullying the undergrowth of Erdrea’s most sacred location. The pool of red beneath the man left a horrible mark on a place that was otherwise so beautiful. It was as poetic as it was frightening. 

Hendrik began to cry. 

“Breathe.” said Jade. “Just breathe.”

For once, he faced his thoughts head on. He faced them the way he’d face a daunting foe: an enemy army, or a horrible monster - though this was tougher than any battle he had ever faced, or ever would. It took everything in him to keep from vomiting. Instead of shoving his terrorizing thoughts down, he let them flood to the surface...and then pass him by. He allowed himself to truly feel the pain, and then feel it dull somewhat. Hendrik acknowledged that his thoughts and anguish were real - that _Jasper_ was real, and that he had died. Died not in that gruesome moment, but died long ago.

But that did not mean he had never lived.

Hendrik thought about Jasper. He thought about mornings shared together in the banquet hall, and afternoons spent playing in the castle courtyard. He thought about the way they’d spar and play-fight - the way they’d pretend to be soldiers, defending Heliodor together. He thought about the way Jasper used to read to him when they were both such small children, and how he’d comfort him as he cried out for his lost family. Hendrik thought about hot lemon tea on cold winter nights.

And he forgave.

“...I do.” Hendrik said, sobbing. He sniffled. “I forgive him. For all of it...I forgive him.” Tears fell from his eyes and onto his open hand, shimmering on his token of fealty. They formed lakes and rivers in the time-worn lines of his palm.

“I am so proud of you, Hendrik.” Said Jade, a rogue tear streaking its way down her cheek as well. “So, so proud of you.”

Seeing Jade’s sadness was what made Hendrik realize he was crying. He didn’t even notice it was happening at first, as if a delay was put on his every action as it was forced to catch up with his rational mind.

“I’m sorry.” He gasped suddenly. “I’m sorry...I’m so sorry.” He scrunched his reddened face together and tried to stifle his tears, but it did next to nothing.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Jade said. 

“It’s ok to cry.”

Hendrik realized that was the first time anyone had ever told him that.

After a while, he managed to regain his composure. “I realize tears are...natural.” he gulped. “But I cannot help but feel uncomfortable that I revealed this side of me. It is not supposed to be seen.” He wiped the remaining wetness from his face. “I am a man, and I am a knight. It’s unbecoming.”

“Men can cry.” said Jade. “And you’re _you_ before you’re a knight, or anything else. Don’t ever forget that.” Jade declared sternly. “Also…you’re a friend.” She smiled at him, her eyes full of emotion.

Hendrik smiled back.

“The past, and painful memories can be something that’s a struggle to deal with, or process.” she continued. “But we shouldn’t let that define us. It’s what you do with that pain - or rather the energy that comes from it - that determines who we are. We have to learn from it, not be trapped by it.”

Hendrik closed his eyes and listened.

“It’s how we live our life now that matters, I think.” she breathed.

“You’re right.” said Hendrik. “That’s very insightful.”

Jade giggled softly. She turned to look out at the sky along with her childhood friend.

They stayed like that for a while. Hendrik drank in the view presented to him, and gazed at the setting sun. The view overlooked not just the city of Heliodor, but all of Erdrea along its horizon. The world was vast, and beguilingly beautiful. Many minutes passed, and as they watched the sun dip below the skyline, Hendrik and Jade did not speak. They simply enjoyed each other's company.

Finally, as the bright orange of the sky transformed into a deep purple, Jade broke the silence.

“Are you still going to wear it?” she asked inquisitively. “..Your token, I mean.” she added. “I understand if you no longer want to. Whatever helps you move forward.”

Hendrik fell deep in thought. He grabbed the token and held it by the chain in front of him, letting it dangle in front of him. “I think...I will.” he said. “After all, you said we shouldn’t feel trapped by our pain.’ He twirled the token, watching it glisten. “I’m not going to bury this. I made an oath.” said Hendrik assuredly. He steeled his gaze.

“I forgive him, so I’m going to wear him proudly.”

“Strong as ever.” Jade talked affectionately. “...Would you like me to help you put it on?” She offered.

Hendrik was slightly taken aback, but managed to respond cordially. “Normally, I would not permit anyone else to touch it.” he mused. “But I will make an exception...just for this case.” He looked at Jade with kind, vulnerable eyes as he handed her his most prized possession. “I deeply appreciate the sentiment.”

Jade walked behind him as she grasped the token in her hands. She tried to reach up, and…

“Can you..?

“Hm?” 

“Can you.. Please bend down a bit?” Jade said meekly.

Hendrik laughed in surprise, suddenly remembering their height difference. It felt refreshing to laugh, even if it was just one time today. Even if it was just a little. He knelt down slowly and rested his weight on one leg. The position reminded him of how it felt to be knighted by the king all those years ago.

Jade hummed as she brushed Hendrik’s hair behind his ear. Her fingertips felt silky smooth as they danced against his skin, which was rough and calloused from years out in the world spent fighting. Of course, Jade had spent years out in the world fighting too, but by some divine decree she still managed to remain graceful and poised. She really was a princess.

Hendrik heard the token clasp behind his neck, then felt it fall onto his chest. The familiar feeling of the cold chain touching such a sensitive spot was painfully nostalgic. 

It felt right.

“I think it’s going to take a while.” said Hendrik, face lined with affliction.

Jade raised her eyebrows.

“..Before I can really be...okay.” he concluded. 

“Well, of course.” Jade said. “No one expects you to get better overnight.” She drew her body in closer to his again. “But you’re doing the right thing now. It’s going to be alright.” She quickly took his hand. “And I'm here whenever you need me.”

Hendrik’s expression softened. “The feeling is mutual.” he said. “But can you do me one last favour?”

“Of course.”

Hendrik squeezed his hand tighter around hers. “Please don’t tell the others that you witnessed me in this...state.”

“What state?” Jade said smiling. “I simply walked out here and saw you training.”

Hendrik let out a sigh of relief. His heart felt warm. 

“Should we get going, then?” said Jade. “The others are probably wondering where we are.”

“Oh! I must apologize to Serena..” Hendrik mumbled. 

“She’ll just be happy to see you’re alright.” Said Jade.

As they walked together hand-in-hand, leaving the now moonlit marble balcony behind, Hendrik spoke up one last time.

“...Jade?”

“What.”

“Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Did I really see one (1) line in the official artbook about Jasper liking lemon tea and think "hmm. Today I will write an entire angst fic based on that." ? Yeah.  
> Jade and Hendrik's relationship here can be interpreted however you wish. I honestly didn't intend for it to be romantic, but I don't mind if you see it that way.
> 
> Anyways, this is my first ever completed and posted work. I really hope you enjoyed it. My twitter is @ kaorinea if you wanna say hi!


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